Premarital Book Recommendations

Here are my top 3 picks for individuals and couples who are thinking about getting married or are already engaged.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman

This weekend my spouse and I finally finished Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married so that we could give it to my sister and her beau. It was an easy read, though my spouse found some examples repetitive and I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. I didn't know this book was going to be so heterosexual oriented with Christian overtones in some sections that would only be helpful for some couples. However, there are a lot of practical ideas for discussion topics. The twelve things that Chapman wishes he had known before getting married are:

1. That being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage

2. That romantic love has two stages

3. That the saying "Like mother, like daughter" and "Like father, like son" is not a myth

4. How to solve disagreements without arguing

5. That apologizing is a sign of strength

6. That forgiveness is not a feeling

7. That toilets are not self-cleaning

8. That we needed a plan for handling our money

9. That mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic

10. That I was marrying into a family

11. That spirituality is not equated to "going to church"

12. That personality profoundly influences behavior

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

My spouse and I won The 5 Love Languages at a premarital education class that we took shortly after getting engaged. The premise behind the book is that people communicate love in different ways. We tend to show love in the way that we most appreciate receiving love, but relationships can be greatly improved when we show love in ways that make our partner feel best. Since we enjoyed learning about how to express love in meaningful ways, we decided to give Chapman's book to my cousin and her significant other. The five love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be by Eve & Steve Hogan

One book that helped me figure out what I wanted in a relationship and whether my suitors and I were compatible was Intellectual Foreplay. Before making a commitment as serious as marriage, the Hogans believe that getting to know each other intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically is very important. In order to accomplish this feat, they developed a series of many questions. These questions can be used to get to know yourself better, evaluate a potential roommate, and decide of a potential mate is "the one." The seven parts of Intellectual Foreplay are:

1. Using Your Head and Your Heart

2. Who Are You?

3. Where Did You Come From?

4. Where Are You Going?

5. Can We Live Together?

6. Where Are We Going?

7. Can We Evolve Together?